There is a particular kind of woman I know very well.

She’s capable. She’s dependable. She’s the one everyone calls when something goes sideways, because somehow she always figures it out.

She can close a deal, calm a client, solve a family crisis, answer emails at midnight, and still tell everyone she’s “doing great.”

Meanwhile, she’s running on three cups of coffee, sheer determination, and what I can only describe as stubborn female magic.

Sound familiar?

For many women, being strong isn’t something we do. It’s who we’ve learned to be. We’re the helpers. The fixers. The caregivers. The leaders. We’re the ones holding everything together with a smile that deserves its own employee benefits package.

The trouble starts when strength quietly turns into self-abandonment. We become so busy carrying everyone else that we stop noticing how heavy our own load has become.

We tell ourselves things like:

•       It’s not that bad.

•       Other people have it worse.

•       I’ll deal with it later.

•       I just need to push through.

And before we know it, we’ve talked ourselves out of our own experience.

So before we go any further, I want to remind you of something important: whatever you’re carrying right now counts.

The stress, the disappointment, the grief, the uncertainty, the frustration. The thing you haven’t told anyone about yet. It all counts.

You don’t have to justify it or compare it. And you certainly don’t have to earn the right to feel it.

When Good Advice Misses the Mark

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I shouldn’t be upset about this. Other people have much bigger problems”?

I hear this all the time. Maybe you’ve said it, and I’m sure someone has said it to you. Usually it’s meant to help. The intention is good, but the timing is terrible.

When we’re hurting, jumping straight to “perspective” can feel a little like putting a lid on a pot that’s already boiling. Nothing gets resolved. Everything just gets pushed down. And trust me, we women are incredibly skilled at pushing things down.

Honestly, if minimizing our own feelings were an Olympic sport, half of us would be standing on the podium wearing gold medals and apologizing for taking up space while we accepted them.

The truth is, that perspective that “others have it worse” does matter. It’s valuable and healthy. But it comes later.

First, we have to acknowledge what’s real and tune into what we’re actually experiencing. Only then can we widen our perspective. That’s where these next three simple steps come in.

Step One: Honor Your Own Pain

We’re not skipping this part. In fact, this may be the most important step in the entire article.

Before you focus on anyone else’s struggle, spend a moment acknowledging your own. We’re not going to analyze it or try to fix it, and we’re not going to turn it into a self-improvement project. We’re going to just acknowledge it.

Try this:

A 30-Second Reset

1.     Put a hand on your heart.

2.     Take one slow breath.

3.     Bring to mind what’s been weighing on you.

4.     Say it out loud: “My pain is real, and it counts.”

That’s it. It’s simple. No color-coded spreadsheet or journaling marathon required. We’re going for just plain honesty.

Because here’s what I know: you cannot heal something you’re constantly explaining away or stuffing down.

Too many women are waiting until things become catastrophic before they allow themselves to admit they’re hurting. Please don’t do that. You don’t need to hit emotional rock bottom before your feelings become valid.

If it’s weighing on your heart, it matters.

Step Two: Look Up and Look Around

Once you’ve honored your own heart, and only then, widen the lens. Not to compare, but to connect. There is a big difference between the two.

When we’re hurting, it’s easy to feel like we’re carrying something no one else understands, and the pain can be incredibly isolating. But the truth is that every person you pass is carrying a story you know nothing about.

Maybe it’s:

•       The colleague who’s unusually impatient this week because she’s exhausted.

•       The friend who suddenly stopped texting because life feels overwhelming.

•       The man smiling at everyone while quietly navigating a difficult diagnosis.

•       The woman behind you in line who is one difficult phone call away from tears.

We rarely know the full story. And honestly, most people are carrying more than they let on. When we remember that, something inside us begins to soften.

It’s not that the pain disappears, because it doesn’t. It’s that we stop feeling so alone inside of it. Suddenly we’re no longer stranded on our own little island of “hard.” We’re part of a much larger human experience, connected to a whole world full of people doing their best with what they’re dealing with. You included.

Step Three: Let Compassion Become Action

This is where awareness becomes something more.

Once you’re aware that other people are carrying real problems too, choose one small act of kindness. You’re not trying to save the world here or earn points with the universe. And it’s definitely not because your to-do list needed another item. It’s simply because love naturally needs somewhere to go.

Here are a few simple ideas:

•       Send a text to a friend who’s been on your mind.

•       Drop off a meal for someone having a difficult week.

•       Donate a few dollars to a cause that matters to you.

•       Write the note you’ve been meaning to write.

•       Make the phone call you’ve been putting off.

•       Give someone your full attention for five minutes.

That’s it. Nothing dramatic or complicated. Just one small act of kindness or service.

Because here’s something I’ve noticed over and over, both in my own life and in the lives of the women I work with: when compassion becomes action, our own pain often begins to soften.

It’s not because our pain isn’t real. Of course it is. It hasn’t magically disappeared, but it feels lighter, because we now acknowledge something important: we are allowed to receive support and offer support.

We can be struggling and strong, tender and resilient, held and helpful, human and powerful, all at the same time.

The Truth Underneath It All

I believe there is a Power breathing you right now that is greater than any circumstance, situation, or condition.

Read that again. Because I know some of you skipped right past it.

The Power breathing you is greater than the thing you’re worried about. It’s greater than the challenge you’re facing or the fear that’s keeping you awake at night. And it’s definitely greater than the story your mind keeps replaying at 2:00 in the morning, when it suddenly decides it’s qualified to solve every problem in your life.

You are connected to something bigger, wiser, and stronger. You’re never carrying life by yourself, even when it feels that way.

There’s a practical and scientific side to this too. Researchers have consistently found that helping others can reduce stress, increase feelings of connection, and improve overall well-being. They even have a name for it: the Helper’s High.

I love that science finally caught up with what grandmothers, faith traditions, and wise women have known forever: experiencing love, generosity, and connection is what actually heals us. And sometimes the very thing that helps us through a difficult time is remembering we’re part of something so much bigger than ourselves.

So This Week…

If you’re in a painful or tender place, let’s start there. Don’t skip over it or rush past it. And definitely don’t try to explain it away.

Instead, take one slow breath, put a hand on your heart, and remind yourself: “My pain is real, and it counts.”

Then, when you’re ready, look up and look around you. Find just one person who might need a little extra kindness this week.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

•       Send a text to a friend who is going through a tough time.

•       Drop off a meal to a neighbor who is recovering.

•       Donate a few dollars to a cause that breaks your heart open.

•       Have a real, phone-down, full-eye-contact conversation with the person at the register.

•       Send a note to someone who has been on your mind all week.

You don’t have to change someone’s life or fix their problems. You simply have to show up with love. It’s not the size of the gesture that matters, it’s the size of the love. Sometimes that’s enough to change everything.

A Truth to Take With You

Sweet friend, you were never meant to carry all of this alone, no matter how convincing your “I’ve got it handled” face may be.

Your pain matters. Your heart matters. Your experience matters. And “the bigger picture,” the reminder that others have it worse, isn’t here to make your pain smaller. It’s here to remind you that you belong to something larger, loving, and strong enough to hold you while you continue becoming the woman you’re meant to be.

So be gentle with yourself this week. Honor what hurts. Accept the support that’s available. Offer a little kindness where you can.

And remember: the Power breathing you is more powerful than any circumstance, situation, or condition. Always.

A Note from Rosemary

If this conversation landed a little close to home, I’d love to talk. I offer a free Discovery Session, no pressure, no pitch, just an honest conversation about what you’re carrying, where you feel stuck, and what your next step might look like.

You spend so much of your life being strong for everyone else. Maybe it’s time to let someone support you for a change. I’d be honored to help.

With love,

Rosemary Gibson ❤️