If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t know why this feels so off,” chances are—it’s not the situation.
It’s a values mismatch.
High-performing women are especially good at powering through, pushing past discomfort, and making things work. But here’s the truth most people don’t say out loud:
You can succeed and still feel deeply misaligned if you’re living out of sync with your core values.
Your values are your inner compass. When you know them—and actually honor them—decisions get easier, boundaries get clearer, and life feels far less exhausting.
So let’s talk about how to identify your core values… and how to tell when you’re not living them.
What Are Core Values, Really?
Your core values are the principles that guide how you live, lead, love, and decide.
They influence:
- What you say yes (and no) to
- How you define success
- What drains you vs. what fuels you
- What you tolerate—and what you won’t
When you don’t know your values, life feels confusing and heavy.
When you do, clarity shows up everywhere.
Step 1: Reflect on Your Peak Moments
This is where most people overthink things—so let’s simplify.
Think back to moments when you felt:
- genuinely happy
- deeply proud
- fully alive or “this is it”
These might be work wins, family moments, personal breakthroughs, or quiet moments of peace.
Now ask yourself:
What values were being honored in those moments?
Was it growth? Contribution? Freedom? Connection? Creativity? Integrity?
👉 Your values leave clues in your best moments.
Step 2: Pay Attention to What Upsets You
Here’s some loving tough truth:
Your frustration is incredibly informative.
Think about times you felt:
- irritated
- resentful
- dismissed
- misunderstood
Those reactions usually mean a value was violated.
For example:
- Anger might point to a lack of respect or honesty
- Resentment often shows a boundary issue
- Burnout can signal misalignment with freedom, health, or purpose
👉 Your emotional reactions aren’t a problem. They’re data.
Step 3: Look at Who You Admire (And Why)
Now look outward.
Who do you admire?
Who do you respect—personally or professionally?
Don’t just name the person. Name the qualities:
- courage
- compassion
- decisiveness
- generosity
- authenticity
Those qualities usually reflect values you already hold—but may not be fully living.
👉 What you admire in others often mirrors what matters most to you.
Step 4: Narrow It Down (This Is Where Clarity Happens)
At this point, you’ll likely have a long list of values. That’s normal.
Now comes the important part:
Narrow it down to 3–5 non-negotiables.
Too many values dilute your clarity.
Ask yourself:
- If I had to choose, which values would I never compromise?
- Which ones must be present for me to feel aligned and at peace?
These are your core values. Not aspirational. Actual.
Step 5: Check for Alignment (This Is Where It Gets Real)
Here’s where I see high-performing women get tripped up.
You don’t live your values by naming them.
You live them by your choices.
One of my mentors, Mary Morrissey once shared a story about a woman who said one of her core values was family—yet she was considering a dream job on a cruise ship that would take her away from her two-year-old daughter for weeks at a time.
Her dream sounded exciting.
But it wasn’t aligned with her values.
And that misalignment created confusion, stress, and guilt.
👉 When your goals and your values aren’t aligned, no amount of success will feel right.
Signs You’re Living Out of Alignment
Let’s make this practical.
You may be out of alignment if you:
- Feel successful but dissatisfied
- Are constantly tired or resentful
- Keep saying yes when you want to say no
- Feel like you’re “off track” but can’t explain why
Alignment doesn’t mean life is easy.
It means your choices match what matters most.
Actionable Takeaways You Can Use Today
- Write down 5 peak moments and name the values present
- Identify 3 recent frustrations and the values being violated
- List 5 people you admire and the qualities you respect
- Narrow your values to 3–5 non-negotiables
- Ask daily: “Does this choice align with what I value?”
Small shifts create big clarity.
Final Thought
Your core values shape your decisions, relationships, goals, and sense of fulfillment.
When you live in alignment with them, life feels cleaner. Lighter. More intentional.
And if you’re unsure what your values are—or how to live them in real life—you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Want Support Identifying Your Core Values?
I offer complimentary Discovery Sessions for women who are ready to stop spinning and start living with clarity and intention.No pressure. No sales pitch.
Just an honest conversation about what matters most to you.
